| 10. |
Minnie Haul (Also known as That Cheap Bastard) |
| Quote: |
"Okay. After twenty-seven sessions you have finally slain the Three Giant Dragons of Chaos. In the treasure vault you find--12 copper pieces and a rusty fork. Who gets the fork?" |
| Good Points: |
You'll never be over-encumbered. |
Bad Points: |
Majority of characters killed by starvation, plus risk of lockjaw from rusty fork. |
| |
| 9. |
Mr. Softee (Also known as Pathetic Guy & The Amazing
Mushman) |
| Quote: |
"You're down 3 hit points? Uh...suddenly the troll falls over and spontaneously combusts! Magically, the smoke heals you." |
| Good Points: |
Characters never die. Ever. No matter what. |
Bad Points: |
Who cares? |
| |
| 8. |
Anger Man (Also known as The Master & It Wasn't Me) |
| Quote: |
"What? You don't bow to the King? Your limbs fall off." |
| Good Points: |
Order and discipline. |
Bad Points: |
Discipline und Order! |
| |
| 7. |
Das KillMeister (Also known as Dr. Death & Why Do I Keep Playing?) |
| Quote: |
"Better roll up six characters each. That should last the first session. Maybe. [chortle]." |
| Good Points: |
The thrill of danger |
Bad Points: |
The boredom of constant defeat. |
| |
| 6. |
The Sexist Pig (Also known as The Sleazeball & L'il Friskies) |
| Quote: |
"They rape you and you love it, like all women. Ha ha ha! Now you're pregnant!" |
| Good Points: |
Not boring. |
Bad Points: |
Extremely irritating. Will emotionally scar any player under the age of sixteen. Knows no shame. Will probably serve in the Senate. |
| |
| 5. |
Das PunMeister (Also known as Stop & Please, I Beg of You, Kill Him) |
| Quote: |
"A killer Tree-man! Woodn't you know. I'd leaf him alone. Bet his bark is worse than his bite!" |
| Good Points: |
A wacky, funny, laugh-a-minute guy. |
Bad Points: |
Will not stop. |
| |
| 4. |
Monotone Man (Also known as ZZZZzzzzzzzz....) |
| Quote: |
"Hi. I'm the King." "Hi. I'm the peasant." "Hi. I'm the wizard." "Hi. I'm the knight." "Hi. I'm the Dragon." |
| Good Points: |
Will never cancel due to laryngitis. |
Bad Points: |
Save vs. Paralyzation or die. |
| |
| 3. |
The Drunk (Also known as What's That Smell? & Not Again!) |
| Quote: |
"H'lo. BLEUUEUERGGHH!!! G'bye..." |
| Good Points: |
Vivid descriptions of strange, bizarre creatures. |
Bad Points: |
Rarely coherent. Will probably die soon. |
| |
| 2. |
The Insane Plotter (Also known as Machiavelli & Mr. Myxylplyxx) |
| Quote: |
"But the twelfth arbitrary conundrum signifies nascent ursinoids rising. Any idiot can see that!" |
| Good Points: |
Dazzling, intricate plots, sub-plots, and sub-sub-plots. |
Bad Points: |
Makes you feel really stupid. |
AND THE NUMBER ONE MONTY HAUL COUSIN OF THE MONTH IS:
|
| 1. |
The Great Actor |
| Quote: |
"Alas, poor Baldrick; I knew him well. 'Twas but the bare bodkin of our discontent that ravelled his sleeve of care! And now all is lost, forever lost!" (sobs loudly) Player: "Uhhhhh...does that mean I can order a drink now, Mr. Innkeeper?" |
| Good Points: |
Deep drama, and colorful NPCs. |
Bad Points: |
You may die of embarrassment--and when he's on a roll, you'll wish that you could. |